25th June 2010, 5:28am

i believe i can love once more :-) .... It's kind of foolish really... I mean I've no idea how the other person feels. I don't even really know him... This is just something that 've built up in my own head...

work is good. I'll fiinish the GBP project by around October... i also should start something with fabric design with Vini... Spoke to Vikram about it today. Right now it's just a vague idea, but hopefully should work out...

i hope this is the one.. I hope i stop being Jim Corbett :P

For you...

So, so you think you can tell
heaven from hell
blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail
a smile from a veil
do you think you can tell

did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts
hot ashes for trees
hot air for a cool breeze
cold comfort for change
did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage

how i wish
how i wish you were here
we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year
running over the same old ground
what have you found? the same old fears
wish you were here

...

there's this person in my team who is more than 40 years old and is an associate. he has a son who needs a blood transfusion every month. his son wont live beyond the age of 14. now this person is one of the most cheerful people I've met. it doesn't matter how distracted n busy i may seem, he will ensure that he gets my attention n greets me with the nicest smile.

I'm so ashamed of the troubles i complain about. God only throws that much at you that you can handle. How is anyone supposed to anticipate or handle their child's death.

i think if by 30, if I'm not married, i will adopt a child. i want to be a mother.

Blogs & Fighting

After 6 years of knowing someone, if you can't pick up the phone & fight its sad... I've used a blog to express anger & grief & I'm sorry... My biggest weakness I guess is that I cant stay angry... Or is this my biggest strength? I cant be angry just because I don't command sufficient affection

I think I just need to apologise & that's what I'm doing... Im still too chicken to pick up the phone :-(

Red Roses

I received a bouquet of 10 red roses today... & No it's not my Birthday! It's the way it was given to me... It was cute!!! I never thought that I can be so corny, but I am... Red Roses always work!!!

Last Night

Its funny... People meet me and think that they need to take care of me. They feel all responsible and they think that they need to give me advice that I obviously don't give a damn about... STOP BORING ME!!!!

But all in all last night was fun... It's amazing how I tend to enjoy myself so much with people who I don't know. I was partying with a group of relative strangers until 5:30 in the morning. I went for coffee to this place that I really like- "Lemon Tree"... They have very funny table mats (More about that later)... I went home at 7:30am... MY GOD!!!!!! I feel all grown up and I'm finally partying...

& it was a pleasant change to spend time with someone who is chivalrous and treats me like a girl.... I like, I like :)

Past, Present & Future

I desperately want to know my future. I want to know what will happen. Which friends will stay, who will I leave behind, who will I lose. Will I feel this for long??? Will this desperation ever reduce...

There is one comforting thought though.... God ony throws that much at you that you can handle... N recent events have shown me that I've turned into a rock. I can pretty much overcome anything... I have to thank my support system - It's pretty fantastic...

The less I expect, the less dissappointed I'll get. Keep yourself safe... Don't hope for anything, dont trust anyone, dont love so you'll never get hurt... I might as well die then... N what the hell, this too shall pass...

Dinshaw complained that my blogs have too much angst n I used to be a lot more cheerful... Inspite of everything I write, I think at the end of the day, I'm still happy n grateful. Just a little more wise n cynical... But I dont think its a bad thing...

One promise that must be kept- I wil never go back..... Another resolution- dont listen to drunk men, they'll only regret what they say in the morning... I need to respect myself more... I need to realize that I deserve better... stop waiting n stop forgiving... dont let people take you for granted....stop being available...dont answer certain calls...it's ok to let go of people...

N i dont care who gets hurt by this blog... Im hurt too