After 6 years of knowing someone, if you can't pick up the phone & fight its sad... I've used a blog to express anger & grief & I'm sorry... My biggest weakness I guess is that I cant stay angry... Or is this my biggest strength? I cant be angry just because I don't command sufficient affection
I think I just need to apologise & that's what I'm doing... Im still too chicken to pick up the phone :-(
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Red Roses
I received a bouquet of 10 red roses today... & No it's not my Birthday! It's the way it was given to me... It was cute!!! I never thought that I can be so corny, but I am... Red Roses always work!!!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Last Night
Its funny... People meet me and think that they need to take care of me. They feel all responsible and they think that they need to give me advice that I obviously don't give a damn about... STOP BORING ME!!!!
But all in all last night was fun... It's amazing how I tend to enjoy myself so much with people who I don't know. I was partying with a group of relative strangers until 5:30 in the morning. I went for coffee to this place that I really like- "Lemon Tree"... They have very funny table mats (More about that later)... I went home at 7:30am... MY GOD!!!!!! I feel all grown up and I'm finally partying...
& it was a pleasant change to spend time with someone who is chivalrous and treats me like a girl.... I like, I like :)
But all in all last night was fun... It's amazing how I tend to enjoy myself so much with people who I don't know. I was partying with a group of relative strangers until 5:30 in the morning. I went for coffee to this place that I really like- "Lemon Tree"... They have very funny table mats (More about that later)... I went home at 7:30am... MY GOD!!!!!! I feel all grown up and I'm finally partying...
& it was a pleasant change to spend time with someone who is chivalrous and treats me like a girl.... I like, I like :)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Past, Present & Future
I desperately want to know my future. I want to know what will happen. Which friends will stay, who will I leave behind, who will I lose. Will I feel this for long??? Will this desperation ever reduce...
There is one comforting thought though.... God ony throws that much at you that you can handle... N recent events have shown me that I've turned into a rock. I can pretty much overcome anything... I have to thank my support system - It's pretty fantastic...
The less I expect, the less dissappointed I'll get. Keep yourself safe... Don't hope for anything, dont trust anyone, dont love so you'll never get hurt... I might as well die then... N what the hell, this too shall pass...
Dinshaw complained that my blogs have too much angst n I used to be a lot more cheerful... Inspite of everything I write, I think at the end of the day, I'm still happy n grateful. Just a little more wise n cynical... But I dont think its a bad thing...
One promise that must be kept- I wil never go back..... Another resolution- dont listen to drunk men, they'll only regret what they say in the morning... I need to respect myself more... I need to realize that I deserve better... stop waiting n stop forgiving... dont let people take you for granted....stop being available...dont answer certain calls...it's ok to let go of people...
N i dont care who gets hurt by this blog... Im hurt too
There is one comforting thought though.... God ony throws that much at you that you can handle... N recent events have shown me that I've turned into a rock. I can pretty much overcome anything... I have to thank my support system - It's pretty fantastic...
The less I expect, the less dissappointed I'll get. Keep yourself safe... Don't hope for anything, dont trust anyone, dont love so you'll never get hurt... I might as well die then... N what the hell, this too shall pass...
Dinshaw complained that my blogs have too much angst n I used to be a lot more cheerful... Inspite of everything I write, I think at the end of the day, I'm still happy n grateful. Just a little more wise n cynical... But I dont think its a bad thing...
One promise that must be kept- I wil never go back..... Another resolution- dont listen to drunk men, they'll only regret what they say in the morning... I need to respect myself more... I need to realize that I deserve better... stop waiting n stop forgiving... dont let people take you for granted....stop being available...dont answer certain calls...it's ok to let go of people...
N i dont care who gets hurt by this blog... Im hurt too
Thursday, March 25, 2010
;-(
It's been three days, I should be sad. I am a little sad I guess, but Im definitely not as sad as I should be. I don't cry much. I cry in my dreams and I beg for dead people to stay a little longer. I suppose I should cry for the people who are alive. I suppose with the people who are alive, there is still hope. N maybe it's a good thing that I have faith. Plus I have a fantastic support system....
Friday, March 19, 2010
Attention & It's Timing
Why is it that people never like attention when they are getting it? Why is it that when you stop talking n ignore people then they'll call you and ask why you're angry... But when you're being sweet and give them attention then they'll give you attitude.... N what is it with negative attention... Why do people push you so hard for a negative reaction.... Im so bored of this shit... I swear I cant even be bothered... The truth is when I don't give a damn, that's when Im strongest... The bloody problem is that I'll get pulled back soon enough... Love is a bloody pain in the arse...
PS- please excuse my french... There are a lot of wonderful people in the world... But I fall for all the idiots
PS- please excuse my french... There are a lot of wonderful people in the world... But I fall for all the idiots
Lost wallets and wonderful people
17th March 2010- 1:30 am
Harish came to my workstation and asked me to join him for chai n a smoke. So I took my wallet, we went to the cafeteria, i paid for the chai and we went to the smoking zone. We bitched for about 15 mins and then I came back.
3:30 am
Harish again comes to my workstation for the next break. N bloody hell!!!!!!! my wallet is missing... Went running to the cafeteria...it's not there....checked with the security and facilities teams if anyone has submitted a bottle green leather wallet- Sorry! So went down to the smoking zone; asked the gaurds there- No Joy... Looked around, sometimes people take the cash and then throw the wallets, but no, that didn't happen either.
So I thought I've lost my wallet which means I've lost Rs1500 + change in cash, my debit and credit cards, my pan card, my ex-serviceman dependent card, my symbiosis admit card and some other visiting cards. Even if some nice person found my wallet, I knew they wont be able to get in touch with me, because I had not left any contact no for myself in the wallet. There wasn't anything stating that I work in WNS either.
Depression, guilt, self disgust....
17th March 2010 11am
I'm desperately trying to get over this and sleep and then I get a message from Ratnesh, who is currently in New York. I haven't spoken to him in years...We email each other sometimes. His message says that someone named Aman called him saying that he has found my wallet and I should call him on the stated no. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally got through to Aman at 4pm and he said that he found my wallet in the smoking zone; I should meet him at the dhaba at 1am. His shift starts at that time- he'll reach office then.
18th March 2010 1:00am
I got my wallet back and everything is intact :-) Now here's the beauty of it- Aman tells me what all he did to find me: He called my gas agency no to check if that guy has my address. Called on a few other visiting cards, but that didn't help.
Finding me became a sort of project for him and his team members- They used my pan card no. to search if they can find me on the internet (this kind of frealed me out actually). They called ICICI to check if they'll give any contact details for me. They checked with the gaurds with my pan card photo to check if anyone has seen this girl. They went to every floor, to every office, to check if the gaurds would recognise me (The useless WNS gaurds didn't).
Finally on a piece of paper, I had written Ratnesh's no. I had written his no some nearly two years ago. So this poor guy made two international calls, spoke to Ratnesh and told him that he has found my wallet.
I'm amazed!!! Usually people won't even bother to return the wallet. They'll take the cash n some fools would even try their luck at swiping your card; just in case you haven't blocked it as yet... But here's this guy who returns my wallet with all the contents intact and tries so hard to find me. He says that some two years ago, he had lost his wallet and some good samaritan mailed it to him.
The world is filled with a lot of very good people. That's the conclusion I've come to.
Harish came to my workstation and asked me to join him for chai n a smoke. So I took my wallet, we went to the cafeteria, i paid for the chai and we went to the smoking zone. We bitched for about 15 mins and then I came back.
3:30 am
Harish again comes to my workstation for the next break. N bloody hell!!!!!!! my wallet is missing... Went running to the cafeteria...it's not there....checked with the security and facilities teams if anyone has submitted a bottle green leather wallet- Sorry! So went down to the smoking zone; asked the gaurds there- No Joy... Looked around, sometimes people take the cash and then throw the wallets, but no, that didn't happen either.
So I thought I've lost my wallet which means I've lost Rs1500 + change in cash, my debit and credit cards, my pan card, my ex-serviceman dependent card, my symbiosis admit card and some other visiting cards. Even if some nice person found my wallet, I knew they wont be able to get in touch with me, because I had not left any contact no for myself in the wallet. There wasn't anything stating that I work in WNS either.
Depression, guilt, self disgust....
17th March 2010 11am
I'm desperately trying to get over this and sleep and then I get a message from Ratnesh, who is currently in New York. I haven't spoken to him in years...We email each other sometimes. His message says that someone named Aman called him saying that he has found my wallet and I should call him on the stated no. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally got through to Aman at 4pm and he said that he found my wallet in the smoking zone; I should meet him at the dhaba at 1am. His shift starts at that time- he'll reach office then.
18th March 2010 1:00am
I got my wallet back and everything is intact :-) Now here's the beauty of it- Aman tells me what all he did to find me: He called my gas agency no to check if that guy has my address. Called on a few other visiting cards, but that didn't help.
Finding me became a sort of project for him and his team members- They used my pan card no. to search if they can find me on the internet (this kind of frealed me out actually). They called ICICI to check if they'll give any contact details for me. They checked with the gaurds with my pan card photo to check if anyone has seen this girl. They went to every floor, to every office, to check if the gaurds would recognise me (The useless WNS gaurds didn't).
Finally on a piece of paper, I had written Ratnesh's no. I had written his no some nearly two years ago. So this poor guy made two international calls, spoke to Ratnesh and told him that he has found my wallet.
I'm amazed!!! Usually people won't even bother to return the wallet. They'll take the cash n some fools would even try their luck at swiping your card; just in case you haven't blocked it as yet... But here's this guy who returns my wallet with all the contents intact and tries so hard to find me. He says that some two years ago, he had lost his wallet and some good samaritan mailed it to him.
The world is filled with a lot of very good people. That's the conclusion I've come to.
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