Random thoughts that don't matter later

So I kep another diary...reading these now makes me realise how true they were and still are.. But I'm sad about how irrelevant they now are...

""Love is a disease. It's inconsistent and fickle. I'm fickle. I'm ugly and he's beautiful. Nature is unfair. He's the wind and I'm earth. He'll keep moving and I'm static. I can't tie him to myself. If he will be with me he will have to be free.

This is what I'm going to do... I'm going to do myself a favor and stop calling and messaging him. I'm going to stop trying. I'm going to let him go. Let him make the next step, if there will bbe one. I'm going to let amooma take care of this. """

""I feel nothing for him. I feel neither relieved nor sad. My indifference doesn't surprise me, but it does worry me. Will I always be only getting over someone? Am I to only feel the hope for love, for sometime, and to never enjoy the reciept of that emotion? The thing is that I have had so much experience at unrequited or failed love that I know exactly how to get over it.

So is this how it i meant to end with **** too? Am I to get tired of trying and then give up on him as well? I'm tired. Goodnight.""

""Here's the thing... I've felt love more than once. I've declared it more than once. I've enough experience at unrequited or disappointed love, so I know if I have to... I will get over this too. I love you. At this moment in time, it's the absolute truth...

I say that I can't express myself, at the same time shy do I leap without knowing where I will crash. I've sent you that message; because of it I will be too embarassed to call you for a few days. I'm shameless see... I'll call you anyway; after a few days that is. .. When I call you I hope you will not punish me for saying that I love you.

I'm grateful though... grateful that I still have it in me to feel this way and then talk/write about it. Whatever happens I hope I will continue to feel this way .... I hope I will not have to get over this too.

Amooma is watching over me... Maybe she'll take care of me... I love you amooma... wherever you are.... you've left a void... take care of me... give me the strength to love unconditionally... protect me so that I don't have to get over it... and if I have to, please give me the strength to do so.

To love.... I hope I don't have to go hunting for you again""

Letter from my grandfather

My 85-year old gdad wrote this email to a prospective "groom", who got a little over enthusiastic... If I was a guy n got such an email, I'd drown myself... But my gdad is very cute... :-)

"I'm no expert on psychology nor competent to advice you. But commonsense and age old wisdom dictates that you always respect a girl's privacy and freedom while seeking to gain her confidence and luv. It seems you rushed things a bit and overawed Rashmi with your aggressive overtures, while trying to express to her your sentiments. No doubt, your intentions were honorable, but instead of going step by step viz., introduction, acquaintance, friendship and confidence-gaining and last, but not the least, expression of tender feelings, u seem to have started with the final stage. In true ancient Rajasthani Royal style, u rushed in and swept Rashmi off her feet to take her home(heart). Whilst she was in no distress, she mistook you for a kidnapper, though u considered yourself a rescuer. Naturally u forced the poor girl to rush behind her protective shell. An Indian girl, however modern in outlook she may be, is wary abt roadside (and Internet) Romeos and Don Juans. U have feelings. I'm sure if you ask for a second chance she will only be willing. But exercise caution. Give her sufficient breathing space. That is if u are truly interested in winning her over as your life partner."""

hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah.
Needless to say, this "alliance" didn't work out.

I really wish my gdad would stop trying to search for my husband.

25th June 2010, 5:28am

i believe i can love once more :-) .... It's kind of foolish really... I mean I've no idea how the other person feels. I don't even really know him... This is just something that 've built up in my own head...

work is good. I'll fiinish the GBP project by around October... i also should start something with fabric design with Vini... Spoke to Vikram about it today. Right now it's just a vague idea, but hopefully should work out...

i hope this is the one.. I hope i stop being Jim Corbett :P