Random thoughts that don't matter later

So I kep another diary...reading these now makes me realise how true they were and still are.. But I'm sad about how irrelevant they now are...

""Love is a disease. It's inconsistent and fickle. I'm fickle. I'm ugly and he's beautiful. Nature is unfair. He's the wind and I'm earth. He'll keep moving and I'm static. I can't tie him to myself. If he will be with me he will have to be free.

This is what I'm going to do... I'm going to do myself a favor and stop calling and messaging him. I'm going to stop trying. I'm going to let him go. Let him make the next step, if there will bbe one. I'm going to let amooma take care of this. """

""I feel nothing for him. I feel neither relieved nor sad. My indifference doesn't surprise me, but it does worry me. Will I always be only getting over someone? Am I to only feel the hope for love, for sometime, and to never enjoy the reciept of that emotion? The thing is that I have had so much experience at unrequited or failed love that I know exactly how to get over it.

So is this how it i meant to end with **** too? Am I to get tired of trying and then give up on him as well? I'm tired. Goodnight.""

""Here's the thing... I've felt love more than once. I've declared it more than once. I've enough experience at unrequited or disappointed love, so I know if I have to... I will get over this too. I love you. At this moment in time, it's the absolute truth...

I say that I can't express myself, at the same time shy do I leap without knowing where I will crash. I've sent you that message; because of it I will be too embarassed to call you for a few days. I'm shameless see... I'll call you anyway; after a few days that is. .. When I call you I hope you will not punish me for saying that I love you.

I'm grateful though... grateful that I still have it in me to feel this way and then talk/write about it. Whatever happens I hope I will continue to feel this way .... I hope I will not have to get over this too.

Amooma is watching over me... Maybe she'll take care of me... I love you amooma... wherever you are.... you've left a void... take care of me... give me the strength to love unconditionally... protect me so that I don't have to get over it... and if I have to, please give me the strength to do so.

To love.... I hope I don't have to go hunting for you again""